this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
