No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize