i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
