I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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