Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
