More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
