Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
