i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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