The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
