i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
