Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
