I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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