Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
