I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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