Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
