All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
