Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
