They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
