Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
