now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
