***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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