I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
