Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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