it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize