i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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