Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dick very happy bro
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