I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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