im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
