Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize