Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
