btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
