I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
