Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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