I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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