not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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