cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
