Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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