the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
