she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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