Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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