from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
