I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
