What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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