the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
