She announced her abortion via fbk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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