is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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