dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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