In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
