How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
