VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
