Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
