She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
