I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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