who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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