that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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