So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My apartment stinks of burning failure
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
