It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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