Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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