Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
