It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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