I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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