i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
