Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Randomize
