Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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