i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
