My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
not ubering you a puppy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
