I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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