Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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