Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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